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Awesome work!
with the dark skin, think about how its surface is more of a reflective mirror (usually cool light reflecting). Working from a photo will help- just trying to get the value range ignoring the hilights first, then add them last.
One other key thing is that the forehead especially on the brow, is rarely as dark as the shadows on the check there. its a front plane- if you lightened the brow it would help a lot i think.
only small changes, really easy to do will make a difference i think.
Oh yeah Alex Kane is the author btw, these characters are for a game he's working on for fun. Cheers!
reminds me of a young Lucius Malfoy!